Self Reflection

Last night I sat at my ‘dining room table’ cutting off the fat from a piece of uncooked beef. Alright, something that could definitely happen in Canandaigua. However, this beef wasn’t the nice slab of sirloin that is from a convenient package from Wegmans. I had to fight with the butcher in town to take pieces of meat from the dead hanging cow that did not have bone, had as little fat as possible on it, and had the least exposure to flies. So, as I sat here cutting, I came to the conclusion that even in the past 4 months or so I have experienced things that would ordinarily gross me out in the states and I would refuse to do it. Now I think, bring it on. I have seen the killing and preparations of a chicken, bought and cut meat in a barbaric and unsanitary manner, have had the worst bowel movements of my life, including already 2 instances of having to throw undies into the pit latrine because the 5 second warning that my body gave me didn’t allow me to run to the cement closet that is a bathroom because it has a rectangle in the floor. Before I arrived in Uganda I thought of myself as pretty level headed and not able to be disgusted to the point of wanting to leave—except that the thought of worms and parasites in my body made me run to the safety and security of my parents house in Canandaigua. Yeah, now I have been there and done that. I have experienced parasites (giardia), and pin worms and now think that if anything I have just strengthened my immune system. I have even seen a little boy dead on the road with entrails out because he was hit by a taxi while riding on the back of a motorcycle. At the time I was in a taxi heading home and the boy was uncovered and passed right under my window. Plenty of people were around and I was not only horrified at the site, I felt absolutely numb at the tragedy and sadness of the commonality of the death. Once I arrived home I told the teachers and my coworker of the awful site and they expressed their sadness and when they saw how affected I was they expressed concern. I told them I have never seen a dead body before that was not prepped and in a casket. They laughed at me, like what a ridiculous thing that I have never seen a dead body before. I had to explain that yes, people died in America and tragedy happened there too, but we try hard to keep the event away from the eyes of the people by at least covering the body with a blanket of some sort. So now, other than actually seeing a person or a large animal being killed, I think I have experienced everything that would disgust me or bring me to tears.
The other thing that I have learned about myself here is that apparently I am as subtle as a brick. I remember a few home friends and college friends mentioning my direct nature while laughing, so I did not think too much of it. But at the end of training we had a small and fun ceremony with awards given to all volunteers that were assigned by three of the volunteers. Well, the first award I received was the bat award because I am so blunt. The worst part is that I had no clue that it was me when the award was read. In Uganda with a culture that relies on indirect communication, I have wondered if I have offended people and wonder that even in the uber direct USA if I have insulted others. For a while I felt really awful about this, hoping that I’m on the side of the fence with tact. But, being aware of my subtle nature as long as I knowingly don’t offend anyone, I think that it is apart of who I am and I cannot and do not want to change. If anything, I think I can attribute this part of my personality to genetics passed down from my grandmother, Rita Newell, and just for that fact I do not want to lose any of my directness.